Q: I’ve been with my BF for about six months, and he still talks to his ex from time to time. I think it’s annoying, but he’s like “we’re just friends.” I’m not trying to seem crazy, but I really hate it - is it me? ~ 24, San Diego
A: The amount of time they spend talking matters. If it’s once in a blue moon, and the girl had no real significance in his life, then he’s probably just being a nice guy. Can’t fault him for that. Though, that chick needs to back off, and the conversations shouldn’t be prolonged.
If they regularly talk, then no you’re not crazy, it's annoying and potentially a red flag.
For the most part, people stay in touch with their exes because they’re missing something from their new relationship. It might be as benign as missing their friendship, or as sinister as them keeping a “Plan B” in play while they decide if this new relationship will pan out. Either way, you don’t want your boyfriend supplementing you with someone else. The only real way to get over someone is to fully move on - out of sight, out of mind. If they’re constantly around, it doesn’t allow your new relationship to develop fully without you being compared to the ghost of exes past.
I would talk to him. Just say - hey listen. I’m not trying to be the crazy girlfriend, but it hurts my feelings that you still talk to you ex. If you’re brave, ask him why he still talks to her and if there’s something he gets from her he doesn’t get from you.
Just be prepared for his honest answer. But more likely, just be prepared for a generic response like “I don’t know, I don’t even like her she just keeps calling me.”
Keep your eyes open, but don’t lose sleep over it. This is what dating is all about. For the most part, if he’s a good guy and it bothers you, he’ll stop (whether he agrees or not.) If you find he won’t stop talking to her, and it’s something that’s a deal breaker for you, then there you go.