Note To You Little Sister

Relationship Purgatory: "Why Won't He Commit?"

Dating, Relationships, Single LifeJenComment
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Q: I've been dating the same guy for the past three months. It feels like we're in a committed relationship, but haven't made it "official" yet with titles. Anytime I try to bring the subject up he either jokes it off or changes the topic.  I feel like I'm in freaking high school asking him to be boyfriend/girlfriend, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who's not going to commit. PLEASE HELP ME!! What's his problem? Or am I rushing into this?  

Your instincts are probably right, he's not ready to commit - next! If a man wants to be with a woman, he'll lock that down as soon as possible. He won't risk her getting away or even worse ending up with another guy. If you've been dating for three months and he still hasn't brought up monogamy, he doesn't want to be exclusive with you. And that's OK!

There's a reason you date someone before you get marred - you're auditioning the other person to see if there's compatibility, sexual chemistry and common goals for live. If he's not ready to commit, it could be because you're not meeting all three objectives - not because he doesn't like you. Couples tend to ignore the "deal breakers" in casual relationships (kids, similar interests, desire for marriage, income, religion...) since the threat of forever isn't there. Instead of parting ways, they just remain in limbo waiting for the relationship to fizzle out amicably. Remember, you owe each other NOTHING. This is not a popularity contest. If it's not a match, it's not match.

The worst thing you can do is force it. You'll both end up unfulfilled and nagging each other about perceived flaws. There's nothing wrong with you if the relationship doesn't progress; not every boyfriend will become your husband.

If your looking for something serious then you need to have this conversation with him. Even if you're afraid of the answer, prolonging the situation won't make it any better. Women tend to "wait and see" - crying to their friends instead of having an honest conversation with their beau. Either you're going to get the commitment you're looking for or not. It's that simple. More time won't change his mind...

Find a partner that's on the same page as you, not a few chapters behind....you'll be amazed how effortless that relationship will be.

Cheers!
J